SO, I’m a recent college graduate.

At the University of California-San Diego I studied Political Science-Public Policy and Chinese Studies. I graduated this past June, wrapping up my Bachelor’s in three years. I left UCSD extremely burnt out and determined to avoid further schooling for as long as possible. So far, I’ve been successful in that endeavor, but at what cost and for how long?

I want a career where I help people; that’s the only way I believe I can find fulfillment navigating a society that necessitates a 9-to-5 job, 5 days per week (aka a capitalist hell hole). This understanding of myself is great, but not definitive enough to point me in any clear career direction. Counseling? Social work? Spearheading programs or development at a social good organization? Continuing my current work in high ed advising? Or do I switch gears entirely; change lanes to one of my other passions. I could earn my TEFL and teach English in East Asia (I speak Mandarin and used to be a conversation leader for English-learners), or I could find an apprenticeship in large-scale event planning (most of my roles in undergrad—both paid and volunteer—involved planning events and I loved it).

The options abound which is electrifying and terrifying.

Electrifying because I’ve researched all the pathways I’m considering, and I feel like I’m ready for what they entail. Terrifying because I feel like my next step is expected to be my last step. I feel like my next moves should definitively place me on one career pathway, and as overwhelming as my current state of mind is, I’m glad to not be locked down in a career for the foreseeable future. [I felt allowed to give myself leeway for “this time in my life”: my first job post-grad, back in the Bay and living with my family.] I allowed myself to not feel the pressure at this moment; my moment of exploration. But now I’m beginning to feel the pressure to commit to something; but what? And while I don’t know where this state of mind leaves me, I am enjoying this freedom. Well, I was. The freedom is waning into expectation. And while I’ve never had an issue living up to my expectations, I’ve also never run into the wall of how to set them.